When your child gets older you face new tasks and it’s time to start making rules and you also try to teach your child things you find important in life. I want to make a list of things and rules I have or tried to have and Mr. M. loved nothing more in his life as a „father“ as to undermine me.
This is a random list, with things that come to my mind.
- I try hard to keep the madness in the children’s room at bay.
The parents in our class (I hate the word but I don’t know how to say it different) tend to buy their children everything. The rooms are overflowing with toys and clothes. They little monsters only have to utter one wish and it is immediately granted. We buy what they want and we buy stuff because we want it or like it or find it cute. Everything is too much, too fast and too easy. I try very hard to keep it at bay. I try to explain and signal that you cannot have everything you want, we do not buy everything we see, that sometimes you just have enough and don’t need more.
What he did: the exact opposite and of course now that he is the weekend daddy he does it even more. He always buys her something. Whenever she see something or wants it he buys it. When I asked him why: „Why did you buy that? Why again?“ The answer was: „She wanted it.“ He bought and buys one stuffed animal after the other and so on.
One of my favorite incidences until today was:
My Grandma and my uncle organized a children’s bike with support wheels for my daughter. We observed quickly that she could not yet pedal good enough – the angle was not yet manageable for her.
So my Grandma decided we should go an buy her a balance bicycle because that was the right thing for her age and that way she would learn to bike. So we went and got a very beautiful new balance bicycle.
I went home and told Mr. M. the whole story in detail and we brought the new balance bike with us. It was there to see, new and shiny!!!! About one week later he went shopping with his daughter and when they came home she sat on a new pink bike with support wheel! A second one!!The third bike within 2 weeks!!!!!!
I thought I am having a stroke!!!!!
- You don’t eat before a regular meal comes close, especially no sweets
I don’t know about you but before mealtime I was told as a child that you don’t get something to eat now because we are close to dinner (or whatever meal) and you can absolutely be burdened with waiting a little while longer. And NO, you especially most definitely do not get sweets now. Mr. M. has obviously never heard about this and I may guess, that he was certainly allowed to eat a chocolate bar right before his meals and it – of course- did not bother him that I did not want my child to do so. I was already preparing the food and my daughter cried for chocolate. He hurried to the fridge and pulled out the chocolate. No, it was not an isolated incidents.
- I tried to keep the media at bay
I already told you about this endless fight no need to say it all again. The unbelievable thing is that overheard him about 2 or 3 times say things like „Mum does not want us to watch“, and when my daughter started to repeat stuff like „Mum cannot see us watching“, or „Mum does not allow it“, I nearly had a hissy fit right in front of her.
He intentionally made me the bad guy right to my fucking face!
- I don’t want her to get stuffed with sweets
Mr. M. had the habit of buying tons and tons of sweets when he went shopping. When the sweets where in the fridge he went to the fridge approximately every half hour and ate something from the stash. You can totally do that when you are on your own and plan on having a a steady intake of calories and sugar. Maybe it as occurred to most of us that that is not healthy….like at all and maybe we can assume that most of us try to teach a child to eat healthy.
Ah..no.., I am not a saint and no I do not raise my child with flaxseed. I do have sweets at home and she is allowed to have some but maybe you can imagine what happens if your child gets old enough and you stuff chocolate into your moth every 30 minutes. Yes… of course! She wants something, too! And he gave it to her. One piece here, one piece there and another one later. Of course I played the asshole again and told him after a while to please stop now, it was enough.
His solution was to a) ignore me b) try it secretly or c) just tell me he did not give her any which was a blatant lie.
- A no is a no and a consequence is a consequence
The word no did not exist in his vocabulary. He granted everything. When I argued with her because she did something wrong (like trying to hit me) he intervened and comforted her- meaning I was the bad guy again. If I told her to stay in her room and stop her behavior he went to her or got her out and so on…..
- Food has a worth in itself
While writing the latest chapter I realized that was another bis issue: Food.
Maybe just read „How to be a 40 year old advertisement victim“