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Carrying water in a sieve

The other day Mr. M. asked me how his daughter had been doing after he had brought her home. He asked that because he had heard that she is very often in a bad shape after the visits with him.

What do I mean with bad shape? The last time he brought her home from the trip to his parents she had headache and was completely exhausted so she fell asleepl within minutes long before her bedtime.

Once she came home with a headache and she had to throw up and then fell asleep. The headache thing happens regularly. When a five year old puts herself to bed you know she is really sick. Very often she comes home with a cold etc.

At that opportunity I told him for the umpteenth time that putting his daughter in a car for 6 hours or even for 12 hours within two or three days is extrmely strenuos for her. And he already drove to his parents 8 weeks ago and 2 weeks ago, why does he want to go there again the following weekend?

The answer could not have been more selfcentered and illogical. First he said, yes he knows that but he is going to do it anyway and then he told me: „You also drove with her for 6 hours once.“

Ahhhh… yes, of course! I drove with her to Italy last year. For ten days. Yes, Mr. M. that truely is the perfect argument.

I hope it gets clear that I do not have an issue with my daughter seeing her grandparents. I have an issue with dragging her there every three weeks or so and each time only for 2 or three days.

In addition it came out that this time he only wanted to go there beause he has a workshop! Meaning, he did not even plan on spending any time with her. He only wanted to drop her of with his parents.

The trip is cancelled because she got sick the day before.

But he honestly seems to wonder why I have given up talking to him and telling him anything. I had already given that up during our shared parenthood. Because it is completely for nothing. I’d better go and carry some water with a sieve.

Another very nice outcome of that conversation was that he once more told me he can take her more often but only spontanously. The funniest part was that of course he can take her if I have to got to the hospital. He is not able to plan anything he can do everything only spontaneously.

He does not seem to notice that this is a contradiction in itself. I only answered: „Thank you I am going to tell the operation team that we can only do that spontaneously because the father of my child is unable to make plans.“

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