Once again Christmas is approaching rapidly. It is going to be the second Christmas after we split up and like the year before I already think about it every day. To be more precise I think about where my daughter is going to spent Christmas.
I do not want her to be with him on the 24th and the question is hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles. Yes one is inclined to say that I cannot forbid him Christmas with his daughter and that I have no right to have her every year. The thing is, that his plan for Christmas is always to take her to his parent’s house 600km from me. I will not, under no circumstances, allow that my child is gone on Christmasday AND the day after. If he wants to spent Christmas with her I want her back the following day. Of course that would mean that he cannot leave the task of staging a beautiful Christmas to other people but that he would have to do it himself in his own home.
Another thing is, that I have the opinion that the Christmas miracle is something that stays with you your entire life. As long as it works of course. The time for miracles is very limited. It will work this year for sure maybe next year but then the time for the wonders of Christmas will be over.
The miracle only works, if the grown ups are able to create one. As far as my experience goes his family is not very good at doing so.
I remember the Christmases I was forced to go there. During the day his father and brother vanished to their rooms to sit in front of the computer and in the evening we ripped open a few presents and wolfed down the food just to get back to the computer again (or the TV). The one Christmas I spent there with my daughter I was glad that she was too small to really understand the occasion so I was able to live with it.
Well, for my inner peace I needed to sort this out. So I maned up and fort he first time in over one year asked him for a personal meeting. I suggested to meet in the morning after I dropped little pea off at the kindergarten and before I had to head to work. Meaning, 8 AM.
Of course I sat there in the cafe and he was a no show. I wrote him and he told me he had fallen asleep again. Of course! Other people’s time is irrelevant. Only his time has value and needs to be respected.
Well, he showed up 20 minutes too late, not that I have to get to work or something like that!
At least the outcome was worth it. My daughter will be with me on Christmas and I can put my mind at ease regarding this problem.