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Down the scale

Isn’t it a very nice outcome? My soon to be ex-husband lives over the street in a luxurious 3 room apartment and his daughter and I have to move down the social scale almost as far as it goes. To a quarter of town where I do not even feel like my child is safe. (Yes, I know that the social scale goes very much lower than that but I am emotional at the moment).

I am writing this hoping to not offend anyone. I know many people out there try to make a living on small money and are not able to afford fancy stuff. I know it is sometimes hard to even afford food until the end of the month and yet I am having a hard time accepting my new situation.

My move is in two days. Finally! It was impossible to find a new apartment. It took me one year. And believe me: If I am an expert in anything then I am an expert in research. In finding people and things and ways to solve problems. I did everything you can think of. You just have to take my word for that. Whatever people out there told me what to do to find an apartment my answer was: Yes, I did that. So after almost one year I found one and I only found it because a friend of a friend owns many building in town and gave me one.

I took it because I have to get out here. I am no longer able to afford my current home and I need to reduce costs there is no other way. The new apartment has a very good price and it is even relatively big. So what is the problem? The neighborhood is. At first I just pushed that thought back it does not matter in the end, I have to take it anyways nothing can change that.

Yesterday I spent some time over there to prepare a few things for the move and now I feel like shit.

You know who lives there: All the kinds of people you meet on public transportation who make you really uncomfortable and bring you to change your seat or even the compartment.

My direct neighbour is a complete alcoholic and I was told that his friend show up there regularly. Meaning they meet next to me to drink themselves into oblivion. Isn’t that a nice thought! Even nicer since I have a child!

The entire day I did not see one nice person there. There are groups of teenage boys running around – those kinds that make you change the side of the street. And strange ladies in leopard print leggings smoking on the playground. The entire walls of the staircase are soiled with unidentifiable stuff – yes I saw that before but now it just adds to the entire picture.

When I came home to where I live now I felt like coming back to paradise. So at the moment I am really depressed and afraid of what is coming next.


My move is over and I am fully prepared to cry myself to sleep a little. Instead of counting sheep I can count how many drunks I’ve seen today.

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