Friends sometimes ask my this and I thought about it very often. Why did I not see it coming, I married Mr. M. should I have known beforehand?
No. I did not see it. Maybe I knew he was not the overtly caring type. Meaning, he never was the partner who would bring you hot tea to your bed if you where ill. Not as long as you did not ask him to do so. In all honesty: Yes I saw that I sometimes was even sad or angry about it but that is no reason to question your entire relationship.
What I did not see- not in a Million years- was that he would practically disappear completely as a father and therefore as a partner in a newly founded family. I would not have thought – not for the life of me- that there would be absolutely no support. Never.
Even if you have a husband who does not change nappies or who only rarely feeds his child or avoids to get drooled on or whatever… a husband who leaves you alone completely is hard to foresee.
Maybe – no definitely- I just assumed that an adult human being would just automatically take responsibility as soon as a child is around. Obviously I severely underestimated how self-absorbed he was. Meaning, he did not adjust in any section of his life.
I don’t know if that transports what I am trying to say. In adjusting to being a parent I mean little things like: Yes I do swear like crazy when I am driving, I call the other all kinds of names – but not when my child is in the backseat. Yes, I do play World of Warcraft but not with my child on my lap. Yes I am addicted to watching TV but I do not put my 3 year old child in front of it and so on. I hated it so very much that he did not even manage to do this little!