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Is something wrong?

I don’t know about you and I myself think that I am not an overtly emotional person. I don’t even think I come across as very warm but I dare say I recognize if someone is in an emotional state that requires some kind of action and I have a natural reaction to that. A few weeks ago a colleague of mine- a girl I don’t even know for a very long time- started crying in the office. I went over and just hugged her. She hugged back and it was the right thing to do. I did it because I wanted to, because I cannot watch a person, whom I know and like, crying without doing something.

About 6 month after my daughter was born I wanted to stop breastfeeding and because I was stupid I did it with pills. I am not saying that weaning with medication is stupid I am saying it was for me without boring you with my breastfeeding situation. I’ll have to ask you to just believe me and let it go. Please, let’s not discuss this step but the result was: I slipped into a major  depression very fast. 

One evening I had a bad panic attack. I came home and sat on the floor, I was shaking and I cried trying very hard to, at least, not pass out. I – very obviously- was not well. I told Mr. M and he witnessed it. He stood next to me watching me sit on the floor and listened to my explanation what had happened and what I was suffering through at the moment. After some time I crawled into bed next to my baby girl and was able to fall asleep at some point.

So let’s say it was very obviously established that I was not fine. At all.

The next morning I found Mr. M snoring on the couch. The baby was still asleep and I just could not stop crying. I sat there and cried and cried. Mr. M did not bother to get up or maybe see how I was doing – maybe considering the night before. Is that what you do when your wife told you the evening before that she had a problem an acute one? Are you not interested in how she is doing in the morning or god forbid come to the conclusion to help her with the baby for one moment considering she almost passed out a few hours before? (And just so you know, he had already seen me passing out from a panic attack, so he slightly knew what could happen) 

When he was finally well rested and got up I was still crying on the couch in another room. He entered the room stood there right in front of me, observed me for a moment and asked me what was wrong?!?! Ähm…. yeah…. what was that again?

I remember sitting there and wishing so badly he would just DO something! I wished he would just take me in his arms and hold me! Please, just hold your crying wife who had a panic attack the night before and explained to you she had a bad depression from the pills.

He went to work.

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