I am very sure he would have many different things to say but…yeah.. I am venting here. What stuck with me is, that everything he ever brought up was very much monetary themed. His biggest issue and what he repeated incessantly was that I „left him alone with the tax money“.
So maybe I have to explain a few things or tell you what I can say about the tax money issue. For once it was the same procedure every single year I can think off. He would get the annual adjustment of income tax, he would realize it was a shitload of money he had to pay, he had a nervous breakdown about it and of course he would curse the system in length. Literally every year. When the tax problem turned up again I was already so frustrated, sad and left alone that I did not really care. Besides, like every time the only thing we could do about it was to apply for respite and pay the rates. Yeah, it is unpleasant to be in dept with the finance authority but at the end of the day it was always complaining on a high comfort level.
And his tax paying problem never ceased, he had it before and he is having it after our marriage. He never developed a system to not get surprised by the taxes – although we/ he had and still has an accountant.
Why do I say his taxes?
Yes, I confess: I am very bad with numbers and I am not very neat with my paperwork and invoices and everything. He on the other hand is. He always dealt with our accountant and took care of that stuff. He earned way more money then me, his invoices were far higher than mine, he offset many, many things against tax and so on. Tax wise I was only a small part and for whatever reason through the years it became a silent agreement that he payed the taxes from his account. I did contribute if I had something to give but I just never had that much money in the bank.
Yeah I know my money an his money is strange in itself but we never had one account for all our money. I did suggest that a few times but I think he really always had it deeply ingrained in his psyche that his money was at risk if I had access to it. So we kept our individual accounts for the income and only made one shared account for the shared costs, like rent, power, health insurance etc. We both fed this account each of us to 50%….well until the time the baby was born and just had nothing to fill it.
So he always repeated, that I left him alone with this. Besides all the personal reasons that piled up inside me I also told him, that at the moment I had zero money and I had no option to do anything about it at the moment.
What else? Yes, another tax thing. Mr. M. decided to offset his car against taxes. Which is absolutely normal and legit as a freelancer. But there are two different ways to do this and in order to save the most possible money he decided to offset as much as possible, meaning you have to keep a logbook and you have to keep it flawlessly! In the end everything has to add up, every gas receipt has to match the driven kilometers etc. etc.
Everybody told him for years that if he does it, it has to be perfect because it is the first thing they look at if they want to find something.
The inevitable happened. We had an audit and the logbook was a mess so he had to pay the next huge amount of money back to the financial authorities.
He completely freaked out about the financial law and how everything was so unjust and how bad the authorities were. So his reaction again was that he was the innocent victim here betrayed by an unjust system who wanted nothing but do him wrong….. hmmmm…..yeah….I don’t know.
Therefore his main accusation was that I did not help him with that or talk very much about that issue with him. One reason for my silence on the matter was, as I already told you, all the emotional stuff that had already happened and the fact, that I did not take it that seriously. The rent was payed every month and we had food. The shit never hit the fan and if that would have happened I was completely willing, prepared and able to live on much lesser money for a foreseeable future. That’s -in my opinion- what you have to do if times get a little rough. Once he lamented about our situation and that he sometimes did not know how to pay the rent and what would happen if the bank would not give him any money anymore and so on.
I am sorry but I told him that he really had no idea what he was talking about, he fantasized about suddenly being impoverished. I told him that I really knew how it looked like when you are at risk of losing everything. I lived many year of my teenage life with the bailiff announcement on a regular bases, with phone calls from the bank almost every day, with not enough money to buy „fancy“ food and in government sponsored housing, that was not what this was! He wants to believe it but it is not true.
You know what with all his complains and accusations and telling me I did not care for our impoverishment he never stopped spending money on completely unnecessary and expensive things. That is all the answer you need. A new TV here, an I Pad there, the umpteenth new computer keyboard, a new laptop (despite possessing one computer at home and one in the office)another GoPro (for the job, but still, if you are poor the old one will do), let’s buy new DVDs etc. etc.
Grocery Shopping went like this: The product with the biggest name went into the chart not the cheapest.
When I said I could use the laptop, too he gave it to me and bought another one, which is nice of course but this is not how you act with a severe money problem!
Yeah… I thought as much.