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Giving birth is nothing special to the world, I know that

It was something around 2 in the morning when my water broke. Six weeks too early. I was calm and collected, I really was. I just woke Mr. M and told him that we should get dressed and drive to the hospital as soon as I was ready. He chose that moment to ask me if he had to witness the birth. Until today I do not know it that was meant as a joke and I did not have the nerve to react to this question at that moment. Not really. I think I asked if he was serious about that and if, maybe we could get to the hospital first.

I did not even hurry and waited until the water stopped flowing, I packed a few things and got dressed. When we left our apartment I had the first major contraction, wow that hurt a little… well maybe a little more… my first thought was: „Omg if this is just the beginning how bad would it hurt in the end.“ Little did I know.

Thank god, the hospital was only a 10 minutes’ drive. When I got there I was not the only one who obviously thought we still had time.

The put my on something like a normal stretcher to do a first check and wait for the doctor on duty to assess me etc. It took them only a few minutes to realize that there probably wasn’t even enough time to wait for anyone because the major contractions started only a few minutes later and the nurse stormed to the door of our small room and called outside:

„The Baby is coming.“

Within seconds the room was filled with 5 people lining up at my stretcher. One of the nurses grabbed my hand and talked to me what to do. Breath through the contraction don’t press, press now etc. but honestly: After the first strong contraction the nurse at my feet told everyone the head is out and with the second one my baby was born.

The most important man was present: The pediatrist. She was 6 weeks early and they were concerned. They took her away immediately, most important thing was to check her and get her all the support she might be needing.

Everybody left. There was only me and Mr. M who was still sitting at the small desk in the corner. Nobody hat talked to him or even noticed him. Like a tornado everyone had swamped in, helped me and the baby and left again.

I remember that I was very thirsty right after and got a bottle of water from Mr. M.

Then the nurses came back to take care of the afterbirth. I spare you any details but it was not easy and after that they immediately took me to the operation room to check if everything was out. I remember that everybody constantly told me how very luck she (my daughter) was and that was the moment we decided what her name should be.

I did not see my baby until after the operation when I woke up again and was given a room. Mr. M had left for work after the operation had been finished and he did not come back until the evening.

A few hours later they finally showed me where she was. She was at the intensive care unit but she was completely healthy and strong. A very tiny little girl but everything was ok.

I sat there for hours and just watched her, held her and marveled at this tiny little creature.

Again that day I realized that Mr. M was not the human being I thought he was. There was not one hug or word to me that was in any way emotional or emotionally supportive. Nothing did acknowledge what I had been through the last hours, that something had happened today that was great and that I had gone through this, too. Not one single word. He came and held his child and kissed me and everything but there was nothing emotional or understanding not one glimpse. He did not even bring flowers or anything. Yes, maybe that is most unimportant but I was hurt.

I don’t know if my words transport in any way what I am trying to say… but maybe someone can understand a little what I am talking about.

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