I am struggling with my parenting every single day, like most of us do and I know that the fights I have are every day business for most parents with a child this age. Yet I think that a huge amount of trouble could be avoided. I shout to much and I know it and I know that makes it easy for Mr. M. to jibe about me with my daughter.
Of course he leaves all the „fighting“ to me because he just does not demand anything from her, does not enforce consequences or ask anything of his child.
It is the classic picture of the nagging, demanding mother vs. the only fun times father. Like every father on this planet who plays that game he does not understand that in the end it is his child who suffers the consequences or does at least not benefit from his behavior.
Yes, he achieves the side effect that it becomes very hard from time to time to deal with her and yes, that makes my life very strenuous sometimes but so does it make hers.
I myself witnessed him telling her „No“ to something in the past. If she kept on insisting long enough he would do it anyway. Which is kind of the cardinal sin in parenting. Is it not? Even when he still was with us he always contradicted me in what I said. When I chided her for something he came and immediately comforted her always signaling her that I am only nagging and he is on her side.
What he also achieves is that his child is very often perceived as badly behaved, impolite and self-absorbed. It is perfectly understandable that she does not understand why certain rules have to be followed if only her mother asks for it but not her father. Only I want her to sit still at the table, to close her mouth when chewing and to put both hands on the table while eating. Only I tell her that every day, a hundred times. Eating out of the pizza cardboard or the Mc Donald’s fries out of a bag does not require any kind of manners. In front of the TV no less, who cares about how you eat there.
Okay so since only I ask for that kind of things she does not listen to me most of the time. I can tell her 10 times in a row to shut her mouth while chewing and she will gleefully show me the content of her mouth. Unfortunately I am not willing to let that slide and where do I end up? I shout and I give her consequences and that leads her directly into a massive tantrum.
This mechanism applies to about 20 situations every day and we are fighting and arguing all the time.
I know that we all have this phases and we all fight about these things and a most of out children are stubborn and do not listen and drive us crazy.
Nonetheless I can clearly see that the onesidedness of my parenting potentiates the stress. Because with me it does not work to just say something over and over again until I yield.