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Where do I start and why do I even write here?

The answer is: I don`t have the faintest. There are things that just want out and wanted for a long time. Maybe this more of a journal than anything else. Pouring my heart out to strangers is not even really my thing but I like writing and since my Fanfic Mojo is gone at the moment I try  this.
Maybe let me start at the point where my life took a turn in two directions. One was the most wonderful thing in my life so far: The birth of my little daughter an the other was the beginning of the end of my marriage. Both happened at the same time: The moment I gave birth to my child.
Getting pregnant was not that easy for me. We tried for one year and when I realized it does not work I suggested to go to the docotors and see if they can find out why. The answer was relatively simple: My husband – let’s call him Mr. M here- had very slow little soldiers (do you even say that in English) and it was highly unlikely to get me pregnant the natural way.
So we started the treatment. Maybe this should have been the point for me to realize that something was wrong or better, that things were not like I would have hoped for them to be.

Mr. M. did – in full control of his mental faculties- agree with me to do this, agreed with me we wanted a child and get help. He went to the clinic with me to get tested, he gave them severel sperm samples, I had to go there dozens of times to get blood drawn etc.
When they had decidet the right course of action and the insurance agreed to the treatment I started the injections. I had to inject myself at home for quiet some time but he never bothered once to ask how I was doing or offered to help or showed any interest in how it went for me.
Maybe I was expecting too much but in retrospect I did not feel supported or cared for. I stood there in the bathroom with my needles and he wasn’t interested in anything. I did not take it seriously that this was the first time during my journey to motherhood that I felt abandoned and wished for some kind of support, even if it had just been a few words of interest in how I was doing with the injections.
Let me be very clear: We both were absolutely on the same page the entire year we tried to get pregnant. We kept the widely known shedule of sex on fertile days etc. When it became clear that it didn’t go as planed we both went to the clinic and we both wanted to know why and we both decided to undergo treatment. This was not only on my part.

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