Today I read a comment on Facebook and something dawned on me. I cannot and do not want to judge the father who posted the comment but it showed me a point of view that might apply to many fathers out there and I am positive, not always justified.
The father posted, that he had just dropped of his child at the mother’s house. (After his daddy weekend, I suppose) When he dropped her/him off the child cried and did not want to go home and now he thinks that is because her home (with her mother) is so terrible.
OMG! It suddenly dawned on me that Mr. M. probably thinks that every time he brings her home.
There is a big, big error in reasoning there! At least if we are talking about fathers that resemble my daughter’s father. Of course I cannot speak in general but I can speak for men like Mr. M. A father like Mr. M. is most definitely prone to misjudge the situation in exactly this way. My daughter cries when he leaves and my daughter does not want to come home. She cries for daddy and she tells me regularly she wants to live with daddy; she wants to go to her father. That hurts like hell AND it shows that children also long for fathers who are far from being a parade example! The reason for that is not that you are such a good father and the mother is so terrible that your child wants to stay with you.
In my case (and sooooo many, many others) your child wants to live with you because the TV is on 24/7 and because she is allowed every movie ever made (if you are lucky it is suited for her age). Because there is an endless supply of French fries and pizza and ice- cream and chocolate. Because you never tell her “NO”, because you do not teach her one single thing. You never tell her to sit still at the table and close her mouth while chewing and eat with knife and fork and not with the hands. Because you buy her everything she wants. Because when she is with you there I nothing but fun. And I have to conduct a normal everyday life. In addition to that your child naturally misses the father.
If a father like that has the audacity to think he is the better parent and that is why his child does not want to go home that is just an insult. I know that Mr. M. absolutely thinks that is the case. He absolutely believes our child loves him more because he such a great dad. I know that he also draws the conclusion that his daughter makes a scene because it is so much better to live with him.